Its raining again. It probably rains about a good 8 months out of the 12. How i would love to move South. I could easily move somewhere with sun all year round. However, i did announce that my new year's resolution was to be happy with what I have and not dream constantly of being somewhere else.
Last night I had a frightening experience. As I laid next to my husband, I just didn't feel anything. The passion you have when you date is sooo different than after you get married. Not saying once your married its over, its boring, etc...i don't know what it is, but i blame myself mostly.
I'll tell you where it started. Early on in our marriage, I initiated (which is not easy for me to do in the first place) and he couldn't get it up. Nothing. I initiated 2 different times. Nothing happened...twice. How is that for building confidence. Now i know this can happen, but usually its to 40+ people. Not a 24 year old. I take it personally. Like i'm not good enough, i don't turn him on. Its me. I'm ugly...etc. Now i'm scared stiff to initiate anything! even kiss him. What if i get rejected? He doesn't say much...in fact he doesn't say much about anything. I think thats part of the problem. Nothing gets communicated, so nothing gets fixed. I'm left alone in the dark with my head telling me i'm not good enough. The only time we actually talk is when we're at a marriage conference and we're forced to talk...even then, not much is said.
I don't know what to do anymore. Either I get over my fear and just go for it...see what can happen, which is what i probably should do. Or we keep going this way..boring.
There will be a glimpse of passion every now and again...he just swoop me up and take me to the bedroom. Than its great. but i know he wants me to do this sometimes too. Its not fair to him. Last night i think i could feel his frsutration (though not a word was said). I just feel it. I think i need to get drunk haha...all fear is gone than!
it comes down to this - I NEED MORE CONFIDENCE!
I think your sex life is also a reflection of your relationship with the other person. I don't feel a really deep connection with him, therefore the desire is more shallow than it should be. Without talking, how can a relationship get anywhere??
"How was your day" Good.
"how's the Teddy?"
"I'm sleepy" Me too
turn on the TV.
Good night.
Day over.
that about sums up everday. Than how am i suppose to go in there and be all gushy and loving. I don't know you anymore!!!!
Am i being to hard on him and to demanding??
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2 comments:
You do not have to give up! see where is the problem and talk about it! Confrontation is the best initiative. Do not let things get worse.
Not an advice just my thoughts.
Thanks! I will not give up...my thoughts are always worse than my reality. Its always darkest before dawn.
Confrontation is my weakness. I don't know how to voice my thoughts without it coming out all wrong and only making things worse. I will have to work on that...
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